I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
