dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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