Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
