Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
