so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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