Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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