He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
