The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
