I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
