Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
