Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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