Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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