Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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