she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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