I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
