So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
