dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
