she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
