nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
