Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
