Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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