and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize