Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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