And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
