Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't turn off my feet"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
