Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
