I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
