I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
