nut hugger
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
