Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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