my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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