did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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