is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
