Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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