Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
