I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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