the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
