Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
