Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
