So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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