I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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