you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
