Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
