Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize