I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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