I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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