please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
