don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
