Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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