My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
