recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
