Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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