Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
