I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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