Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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