Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
