Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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