ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's shark week go big or go home
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
