I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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