I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
