what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
