WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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