I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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