I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
