I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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