It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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